Last Entry

Time has passed so quickly since my darkest hour. I cannot believe it has been over two years now since Josiah departed for Heaven. I find that I cannot "add" anymore to this journal of mine for that season has passed. I only walk with my son's memories engraved in my heart, so this is my last entry to a time in my life where all seemed hopeless. I will allow this site to remain so that maybe when someone else's darkest hour arrives, this can hopefully give hope in their dark hour.

With Love,

~ Maria

An Update

It's June and that means that six months have gone by since our little Josiah passed. I try everyday to accept this void in me, but it still is too painful to try. I love you Josiah, we miss you incredibly.

Happy Birthday Josiah

I was dreading today, but God is helping me every second of this day so far. I woke up and the first thought was exactly six years ago today Josiah was born. He was born on a Sunday and today is Sunday. Later on we are celebrating Josiah's birthday with a small get together of friends and family. We will have a spiderman cake and lots of Josiah memories. I miss you Josiah, happy birthday my little guy. Your daddy and I miss you.

This picture was taken exactly a year ago today. Josiah's 5th birthday party.

Snow White

Today was awesome! Jess and I dressed up as Snow White and Cinderella to visit little Abby at the hospital. It is an incredible feeling bringing joy to a little lady like Abby during her hard journey. Her little face just lit up when we came to see her. I am honored to have been part of a fun memory today:)

Unwritten

Me 

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Wild Horses

I feel these four walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out...
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around?
Is this the bed I chose to make?
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I want to be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like im longing too
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumpin head first headlong without a thought
To act and not fear
I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I want to be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like im longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!

My Heart Hurts

It's been 3 months now and everyday is weird. I am living a new "normal" and I am not use to yet. Getting Clementine kind of adds some smiles here and there, but I just do not know how to process these past 2 years. I still can't believe I lost Josiah to cancer. I still can't believe that we endured seeing him pass away before our very eyes. I do know all that was reality, but never in a million years would I have ever thought that my first born little boy would die of cancer. I hurt real bad and this empty hole in my heart is aching. I have been having some health concerns with my heart. It's just these palpatations so my doctor is running some tests on me. All this stress just really impacted my heart physically and emotionally.

Outside of missing Josiah, I am looking for a job and have signed up for ballet classes. I will try to continue school in the summer. I still would like to pursue nursing, I just have to finish up my basics.

Please pray for us.

It's a Girl!!!

This is our first puppy Clementine!!! How cute is she!